What does it means to mother when one is not a natural mother? Or am I? Is a natural mother a person who spent her childhood longing to mother and to be married. I don’t know why I say I’m not a mother by nature, just because I spent my 20s and then some of my 30s eschewing motherhood. It’s not, after all, something you study for or learn, as if preparing for a career. Or maybe it is.
Finding myself pregnant I was terrified I would lose myself. But then I found my way and here I am. Still. And with Alvin as a cohort.
And then, with adoption, I did trust I would find my way. And did (so far).